Gwyneth Paltrow Will Never Be the Next Martha - No Matter How Hard She Tries

At this point, who hasn't made fun of Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle website GOOP?

The Huffington Post has called her lifestyle tips, on everything from where to stay while traveling to how to prepare a healthy meal, "painfully, ridiculously obvious," while Esquire snickered that following her regimen "wasn't much fun" and made the writer "quite a bit poorer." In Vanity Fair's September issue, writer Craig Brown spoofs the actress' secrets of inner happiness: "At one end of the room the kids are crying out for you to teach them how to make that truly great detox teriyaki salad with miso-nettle dressing. At the other end of the room there's a new movie script sent to you by the cuddly and awesome director Sam Mendes...Meanwhile, you are desperately trying to get your butt in great shape while nourishing your inner aspect by learning how to fold napkins in a way that will make them more ecologically sustainable."

Critics can pan Gwynnie all they want, but she – and GOOP (didn't she realize that her initials sounded like POOP?) – are here to stay. Gwyneth told a People reporter in July that the site, whose purpose is to "nourish the inner aspect," was a "big success." "It's crazy...crazy!" she bragged. "I just love it. Corporate America is knocking at my door."

And she's knocking on theirs. Despite reports that Gwyneth was overheard squashing talk of her wanting to become the next Martha Stewart, her actions seem to suggest anything but. Musician husband Chris Martin reportedly calls her business meetings, "the Martha meetings." She's working on a line of lifestyle products, she offers tips on green living and home design, she's toured Spain with Mario Batali for a PBS series and book, she's added cooking videos to her site and she sold a cookbook of family recipes entitled "My Father's Daughter" to Grand Central Publishing this year, set to be released in the fall of 2010. "People ask me, 'What is it? What are you doing?' And I don't know. I did it, am doing it...and I love doing it...I have all of this great information. It's just a gift," she has said.

In her most recent newsletter, Gwyneth shared her gift list with readers. She suggested personalized melamine plates by Em Tanner, which she says "quickly became a colorful basic in my kitchen this year," as well as one-of-a-kind framed prints she found on a shopping trip in Park Slope, Brooklyn. "What better way to show someone your love this gift-giving season than by giving a personalized present? With just a little forethought and organization, you can do something really special. Here is a list of fantastic places to take your Christmas/Chanukah up a notch," she writes.

This certainly sounds like someone building a brand – catch her warm and friendly tone -- and really, why shouldn't she control her own image? So often a celebrity is reflected through the prism of publicists, paparazzi and glossy magazine stories. But the internet allows celebrities to communicate directly with fans, albeit behind the safety of a Twitter account or blog. And if Gwyneth gets extreme pleasure from being an uber-wealthy, jetsetting homemaker, why shouldn't she share what she's learned on her terms, rather than giving up information to editors to run in their own publications?

Still, we had one burning question: if Gwyneth really is trying to be the next Martha Stewart, could she pull it off?

"I don't think they are remotely comparable," says Shannon Nelson of Pierce Mattie Public Relations, a marketing firm that specializes in developing beauty, home, fashion and lifestyle brands. "While there may be some overlay in the audience they reach, I think there is a generational gap between the two that would make them appeal to different demographics of women."

But couldn't Gwyneth carve out a different piece of the pie? Maybe she's the Body + Soul Magazine to Martha Stewart's Living. (Oh wait, Martha owns both!) While Martha is the crafty homemaker helping women live better, couldn't Gwyneth be the happy homemaker that helps women feel better?

Perhaps, but Nelson isn't convinced. "While Gwyneth seems to have seamlessly parlayed her acting career into a lifestyle brand, she remains remarkably unremarkable," she says. "Unless she brings in talent to help her with more creative projects to sustain her readers, GOOP will not continue its growth – at least not to the level and at the rate which Martha Stewart can command."

A number of celebrity homemakers have tried to compete with Martha Stewart. Take the queen of the 30-minute meal Rachael Ray and celebrity interior decorator and Oprah darling Nate Berkus. But no one has succeeded for one reason – Martha taps into something that no one else has been able to: perfection. Even if she did a stint in jail, readers are constantly surprised by her ideas, tips and the way that she's able to feel like everyone's wise, crafty and down-to-earth neighbor, despite the fact that she's worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

And that is why Gwyneth will never be the next Martha.

Gwyneth revels in her extravagant and too-much-time-on-her-hands lifestyle more than many average folks can stand for. She calls thousand dollar Bottega Veneta black riding boots a bargain and a roast chicken with potatoes and farmer's market salad "fast food." She tells you about the stunning hotels that she's stayed in around the world, not taking into account that the average reader would rather save a few pennies and pack it in at the Hilton Garden Inn down the street. Yes, Martha is also aspirational at times, but she's also downright accessible and affordable. Forget buying pricey boots -- Martha will tell you how to sew your own.

Gwyneth is selling a lifestyle that only a movie star's salary can support. If she wants to be the next Martha, GOOP will need to shift from the "fabulous life of Gwyneth Paltrow" to the "the fabulous life of Gwyneth Paltrow – on a budget."

Says Gwyneth: "I have this incredible, blessed, sometimes difficult, very lucky, very unique life and I've gotten to travel all over the place and to work and live in different cities. ... I go on tour with my husband and go to cities I would never necessarily go to. So I started accruing all of this information. I am the person my friends call when they want to know: 'I am redoing this bathroom and I want a sink that looks midcentury, but a contemporary version of a midcentury. Where should I go?' or 'How do I make your (recipes)?'... I thought this would be a fun, creative way to share with friends."

Yes, her very rich friends. But what about the rest of us?