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But what he does hate is our bed frame. It's an aging wicker headboard and foot board that I've owned since college, and while I know it's not the nicest piece of furniture we own, I can't seem to part with it. To me, it says cozy. To him, it's as feminine as a maxi pad. If it were up to him, we'd be sleeping in a dark mahogany sleigh bed.
Whenever we move into a new apartment, which we're getting ready to do in a few weeks, he pounces on the topic. "Can I finally pick out a new bed?" he'll ask.
I think I'm getting closer to budging.
After all, a master bedroom should really be a reflection of both your tastes, says Sherry Petersik, designer and blogger at Young House Love. "It's your area, where both of you retreat to," she says. "When you take the time to invest in a bedroom together, it seems like you're investing in your relationship. It shows dedication to one another and your time together spent privately."
But coming up with a decorating scheme that reflects both of you can be challenging. Often a couple can't see eye-to-eye on, say, furniture style or color scheme. She wants floral curtains and pale pink nightstands. He wants a tall chest of black drawers and a mahogany trunk at the foot of the bed. So what gives?
Well, chances are that if you married this guy, you must have more in common than you think. The trick is finding items you both love – and making some critical compromises along the way. "Think of it as an olive branch to each other," says Sherry.
Here's a 9 step plan to help you decorate a room that is as much his as it is yours – a master bedroom that you both can feel good about.
Decorating a Bedroom for Two
You love each other, but do you love your master bedroom? Since the bedroom should really reflect both of you, we came up with tips on how to make the space special -- without skimping on either of your tastes.
When a couple gets stuck decorating their bedroom, Sherry Petersik, who blogs about design at Young House Love, will send them to the art store for inspiration. She'll tell them to find one painting or photograph that they both can agree on. Then she'll encourage them to build the design around the painting. "You have to start somewhere, anywhere," she says. "Maybe it's not a painting. Maybe it's a chair in your living room or a movie print that you both love. Just find something for inspiration." It usually helps grease the wheels and get couples ready for making choices together.
Rebecca Wilson, an interior designer based in Boston, says it's essential that a couple begin with a blank slate when redecorating their bedroom. "Many of my clients let clutter accumulate," she says. "They have exercise equipment in the bedroom or bills piled up on a desk." Clean out everything, then come up with fresh ideas for accents that mean something to both of you. Says Rebecca: "Something as simple as putting family gallery in simple silver frames and grouping them together can give the room a cohesive, less cluttered feel."
The easiest way to do this: Avoid extremes, says Rebecca. Count out dark leather furnishings and anything printed with bows and flowers. When it comes to decorating for both of you, you want to be fair. "If you absolutely love floral," says Sherry, "you can interject them in throw pillows, a lampshade with a touch of pink or even by reupholstering your vanity seat." It's pretty emasculating to make your husband climb into a bed covered in pink daisies every night, she says.
Sherry and her husband's master bedroom (shown here) is a perfect example of a room that celebrates both of them. She prefers soft and girly things, he loves nature and geometric prints. So they incorporated both. Nature is represented in the jute rug underfoot and the plant that's helping to purify the air. While her hubby gets his geometric fix in the bedding, Sherry says they chose that bedding in a soft blue because it still felt girly to her. She injected large billowy curtains and a brown chunky mirror. When put together, the room is a true reflection of the both of them. "We love it in there," she says.
If you're having trouble agreeing, offer up a compromise. You choose the curtains and let him choose the rug. You can pretty much predict what he's going to pick anyway: a brown neutral. "Most of us can live with a nice brown neutral rug," says Sherry. "You don't need a pink or white rug."
"The great thing about paint is that you can mess it up and for $20 you can fix it with a new coat," says Sherry. In other words, experiment. If he's leaning toward chocolate, but you can't imagine anything but lavender, why not try both?
The key to choosing a paint color that will work for both of you is in the undertones. Make sure that whatever color you choose is the "muddy" or toned down version with lots of gray. What do I mean? See purple paint shown here. "Imagine your favorite shade of lavender – then dump a bunch of gray into it," says Sherry. "It becomes a soft neutral tone with a hint of lavender." Then both husband and wife get what they want. Photo: Flickr, reebob
You and your significant other get into bed, and both of you forget to turn out the light. Who's going to get up and turn it off? "It will start a war," jokes Sherry. "There's nothing more annoying than having to get out of bed." If you both have a sconce or table lamp next to you, it's easy to lean over and turn your individual light out. Crisis averted.
Another idea: Light your room with dimmers. Dimmers can help set the romantic mood, and it's often easy to agree on how bright or dark you want a room to be before bed. "It's critical to making a bedroom calm and inviting," she says. "This small luxury can make all the difference in how two people feel about the shared space." Photo: Flickr, dansays
If you're unsure what that means, here's a primer: tans layered with creams paired with chocolate furniture. (This is what Sherry did in her bedroom, also shown left.) Then you can throw an accent color on the wall or incorporate a splash of color in your throw pillows. If you're tired of creams and chocolates, try navy and gray tones. "The walls could be pewter gray with a couple of navy touches and pops of white or even raspberry," says Sherry. "It would look very sophisticated."
Gender-netural art is just as important as anything else on this list; an oversized print of Georgia O'Keefe's Jack in the Pulpit or a framed print of a Heman character (shown here) is probably not the best choice. Black and white photographs or abstract art are good compromises. Both can usually speak to both genders. "Black and white photographs is like painting the walls tan," says Sherry. "They're so neutral."
Reader comments (Page 1 of 1)
All of these rooms are very masculine and sterile, so where's the compromise? Personally, I like them for the most part, but get real, there is nothing feminine in any of them.
ReplyExcept for the sea colored room, they all look like accomplished bachelor pads. There are many ways to create a neutral bedroom for a couple, and most of these are not it, nice as they are.
I HATE girly rooms and would never sleep in one, but that does not preclude good use of color and softer looks. With country (cottage) white as a base in their room, one could go light earthy or nautical or beachy and all could please either sex.
I suspect the the wicker headboard might be that frilly white victorian porch crap that is associated with teen girl bedrooms and skirted make-up tables, yet even wicker has applications that are not feminine, in natural colors and in bold design. Think Southeast Asian. I recommend they look at West Elm designs as a starting place.
Since most women don't actually pay for anything, they should have little or no say in the decorating process, especially in the bedroom where they seem to think they make the rules for everything else.
ReplyWhen most men take an equal role in cleaning up the house then and then can they have a say so about how to decorate the house. Until then I think men can STFU and watch the woman lead.
Excuse me I have paid for every piece of furniture we have in our home. My husband and I work, I happen to make more money because I'm a nurse anaesthetist. You on the other hand probably don't even have a wife because your a jerk. You probably live on an Army cot and a bucket for a toilet.
Are you serious? I'm certain with an attitude like that you will never need to worry about this topic, since any sane woman would not share a bedroom, or any room, with you.
I have no idea why I read this stupid article. Must be totally bored that's for sure.
ReplyPaint the headboard dark mahogany or black. It's still a nice frame and it'll be sexy enough for both of you.
Replyif im allowed to do the humpty dance she can paint it any color she wants.
ReplyWhy does he have this woman in a head lock in the first photo? Let the person who cleans the rooms pick out the decoration.
ReplyIsn't if kind of Gay for a man to care about how a room is decorated anyway?
Dear Brooke:
ReplyTell me, dear, when you were plying your trade at the think-tank of your choice, did you regale your male professors with scatological references in your themes and research papers? Probably not.
So what makes you think that references to items used for specific female cyclic functions is acceptable in an AOL blog? It's not.
No one really cares how you decorate your bedroom or if your hubby is willing to sleep on a wicker bedstead. Did it ever occur to you that he might be wondering how many OTHER men bedded on that college-era piece of little-girl furniture you can't seem to deep-six?
WHO CARES WHAT HE LIKES . KICK HIS BUTT OUT OF THE BEDROOM LIKE I DID 10 YEARS AGO AND DECORATE IT THE WAY YOU WANT. NOW HE HAS HIS OWN STINKIN ROOM!! HA HA.
ReplyMy husband & I both wanted a 4-poster so we'd have something to tie-off to. He wanted the matress at waist height, & I wanted lots of electric outlets close. Works out great...
ReplySorry to bother you on this blog but I am new to all of this computer stuff.
ReplyI am trying to find moulds to make my own "shabby chic" furniture appliques and cannot find the info anywhere.
Does anyone at ShelterPop know where to get these molds?
Please respon ASAP.
Thank you.
Kathlee
My bedroom is painted medium grey with white trim. The furniture is what one would consider plain, unembellished walnut (think IKEA streamlined), as are the hardwood floors. I have b/w photos and prints in black frames with white mats, and an area rug that's black with grey and white geometric designs. My bedding, however, is where the girly-thing comes in. Yes, the comforter is a dark charcoal grey, but it has white flowers all over it, and the matching sheets are white with charcoal grey flowers, as are the throw pillows. The bedskirt, valances on the windows, and runners, etc, are white and charcoal grey striped. Everyone's happy, including the cats. He has his masculine colors and wood finishes, I have my flowers and comforters. Neither of us likes bright colors, and it was my idea to paint the room grey. We're both thrilled.
Reply