Jessica Cumberbatch Anderson: Is DIY Dead?
From Fashion's Runways To Your Home
This robot's welcome in my home anytime. Photo: iRobot.
Bring your most clever comment and win a Roomba!
The great Dorothy Draper said "it is just as disastrous to have the wrong accessories in your room as it is to wear sport shoes with an evening dress."
Well, we'd love to hear her thoughts on the homes on one of our favorite sites -- Lovely Listing from the Cheezburger Network (you know, the one so brilliantly brought us Lolcats). They've got the most ridiculous gallery from homes for sale -- a scale by the door? A room teeming with porcelain dolls? Or with electrical outlets? It sounds nuts, but sometimes after flipping through shelter magazines and design blogs full of perfectly-placed-and-plumped ikat pillows and glossy kitchen islands, these disastrous rooms are exactly what we crave.
So we're delighted to wish them a happy second anniversary and best hopes for many more years of telephones in the bathroom and a continued obsession with white plastic chairs.
And to celebrate, we're giving away the ultimate home companion: A Roomba! As Lovely Listing says, "A robot that stops your house from looking like a Lovely Listing entry."
But that's not all it does: this thing cleans up to four rooms on a battery charge and when it's ready, recharges itself. And since there are two interchangeable cleaning bins -- one that holds enough dirt for a routine cleaning and one that holds THREE times more debris -- you can swap them out depending on the size of the job.
It also runs on a programmable schedule, which means you can come home to clean floors. And unlike a family member or roommate who cleans while you're away, the Roomba requires no thank-you and does not make you feel guilty about not helping.
To win, you must explain what is happening in the photo. This is a contest of skill, not luck. Humor counts; factuality does not.
We won't even try to caption this one. That's up to you! Photo: Lovely Listing.
* To enter, leave a confirmed comment below explaining what is happening in this photo.
* The comment must be left before 11:59 pm ET on May 3, 2010.
* You may enter only once.
* One winner will be selected based on the following criteria: humor, keenness of observation, and pertinence to the contents of the photo.
* One winner will receive a iRobot Roomba 562 Pet Series. Approximate Retail Value of prize is $399.99.
* Open to legal residents of the 50 United States, the District of Columbia and Canada (excluding Quebec) who are 18 and older.
* Click here for complete Official Rules. Winners will be notified by email, so be sure to provide a valid email address!
Reader comments (Page 1 of 7)
Wife: I love our new house but what shall we do with this oven I am absolutely never going to use.
ReplyHusband: Well it certainly doesn't match the Blue and redness of our kitchen. So how about I build you a display nook for the oven... then honey you wont even have to worry about using it because it will be impossible!!!
and that children is how the popular trend of oven display nooks started in america...
The cheerful, bright primary colors of this kitchen distract the police raids from the trap door leading to our escape tunnel. We've always had enough time to destroy our underground stills on the way out!
ReplyClearly, what we see here is that absolute power corrupts absolutely. In the snowy, wintry lands of Bleakistan, all had hailed the arrival of the stove with its power to warm the kitchen and to produce baked goods. But the adulation went to Stove's head. Stove demanded a pedestal as a throne so that Stove could observe the whole realm and all his subjects. Stove demanded that his followers paint the kitchen in bold colors to reflect the greatness of Stove's reign--bright primary colors of celebration of Stove. Soon, Stove decided that the Refrigerator posed too great a threat after Stove saw Refrigerator conspiring with Toaster to usurp Stove's power. Stove did as comes naturally to an angry stove and resorted to appliance cannibalism, destroying both Refrigerator and Toaster. The loyal followers of Stove removed the traces that Refrigerator and Toaster had ever existed. Some who doubted Stove's authority fled to a land below, known as Basement, where the ruler (Basement Cat) was cruel but directed that cruelty toward the human population. Eventually, between the political purges by Stove and the flight of the doubtful, Stove was left with nothing but the empty husk of a realm--his pedestal and his final two stalwart companions, Sink and Ugly Bowl. Stove came to regret his earlier decisions and looks forward to retiring and leaving this corner of Bleakistan for wiser rulers, while sinking uncomfortably into the back of his pedestal thrown.
ReplyCooking in the fireplace 2.0
ReplyAnd this years 1st place winner is......stove!....yes stove, don't waste time anymore gathering wood to make a fire in the backyard to cook your caveman, ahh I mean husband dinner, after all who has time....free delivery if you order in the next 10 minutes just pay a processing fee of $99.99 and stove can be all yours....(platform not included)
Reply"Eek! a mouse!"
ReplyStove freaked out and leaped up to safety on the platform.
Purchase a home that provides the ultimate stage to showcase your culinary talents!
ReplyThis brightly lit beauty contains everything you need to let the world know that you are a food star Highlights include:
1. A super hip, retro sunburst-colored oven on its own platform to elevate your cooking game.
2. An extra-large exhaust system that you, of course, will never need, but which looks AWESOME and is strategically designed to minimize any odor your sous chefs might create.
3. Multiple "Red Alert" cabinets that provide an exciting way to stash your creative essentials.
4. A picture window to frame your epicurean delights and drive the neighbors wild with envy.
5. And a bonus, instant access panel to your personal below-ground, environmentally friendly cooling chamber.
Never settle for a boring, standard kitchen again. Buy today, because this extraordinary venue is HOT! HOT! HOT!
Adorable 3/2/1 SuperVillain Cottage.
ReplyLovely view of Austrian countryside.
Kitchen Trapdoor for those 'special' guests.
Amazing "confusion" theme paint will stop them in their tracks every time!
Patented Destructo-Range drops from hidden ceiling compartment at the touch of a switch! Raised wooden staging area allows easy cleaning of the most stubborn bloodstains.
A steal at only 1.2 Million Euros!
Stove makes one last effort to get the transporter to work. It's the only chance to get away from this forsaken planet before Zombie-Chair breaks through the trap door and rallies with Bowl to take him down. Through the window, he can see the glowing desolate wasteland after Chairpocolypse. He knew volunteering for this mission would be a mistake. Now Kirk and Spock were dead and this broken transporter was his only hope. He knew time was slim as the radioactivity started seeping into the hull of the vessel and the walls of the access panels for the Jefferies tubes began to glow...
ReplyThis is a rare daytime peek into an exotic dancing establishment. Nobody cares about the colors on the walls when it's dark. Shown here is 1950s stove on the stage practicing her routine for the coming evening. In a few hours, Chair and his Chair friends will arrive with lots of $1 bills.
ReplyAfter being magically turned into a stove, Santa suddenly realized that he had no nose to initiate his retreat.
ReplyWhy won't my entry post????
Reply"Curiouser and curiouser!" said Alice. "They must have put the stove under the chimney to stop the wolf from getting in, but how odd that the door is turned upside down! And whatever could be in this tiny little bowl that says Don't Touch Me Or--"
ReplyThe trapdoor sprang.
There was silence.
When Alice came to, she found herself at the bottom of a rabbit hole in a room that looked exactly like this one, only the door was right-side up. "Curiouser and curiouser!" said Alice. "What's that cooking in the stove? It smells like roast wolf..."
(To be continued)
"All Hail Range! Range is our Leader, Father, and Protector!"
ReplyThis was the common salutation in the "Home on the Range Collective," which demonstrated all the characteristics of a cult. Initially brought together by the passionate, heated rhetoric of Range, the cult ended in tragedy after Range's warped interpretations of passages from "The Joy of Cooking" led him to preach to his followers that the proliferation of fast food drive-thrus, Chinese take-aways, and delis were "plagues" signifying the "End Times." Ultimately, he told followers that the only way to remain pure was to "unplug." Although Blender's insides were churning, and Fridge was cold with fear, all of the other kitchen appliances obediently dropped down through the trapdoor. Once they were in the basement, Range unplugged them all, including his own sons, Toaster and Waffle Iron.
As is typical of megalomaniacal cult leaders, Range himself did not commit suicide, but waited defiantly on his pedestal, warning that any who tried to get him to "turn on" to the new culture would "get burned." Ultimately, however, he burned out, and the only reason the events are known at all was that Air Freshener was left behind, instructed to tell any who asked that he was "scent to tell the tale, that the truth would not be mist."
WELCOME HO-HO-HOME!
ReplyAre you looking for a gingerbread cottage to chase away your winter blues? Then this is the place for you!
Located just south of the Arctic Circle, the air around this property will feel positively balmy compared to the North Pole during the winter solstice. Includes a large yard perfect for grazing animals.
But that's not all -- just check out the kitchen:
-- Easy chimney access with conveniently heightened stove for comforting warm landing
-- Elf-accessible
-- Optional door for horizontal-accessible entrance
-- Basement crawl space for additional toy storage
-- Cheerful, non-holiday color scheme
-- Bowl for your jelly
-- Lots of available counter space!!!
Act now -- this property is sure to sell in a twinkling!!!!
Stove glanced around and considered his options for escape. The trap door was too narrow, the chimney hadn't worked out that well, and the door lead to the *shudder* family room. Maybe if he got on the platform and took a rolling start he could make it out the window.
ReplyIf only he'd been made color blind like all the others. Things might have been different.
What's that, you're interested in the new listing? I should tell you.. the beautiful kitchen DID come with a fantastic commercial-grade RangeMaster 3001, but the owners decided to take that with them. Don't worry, they left another marvelous stove in its place. No no, this one is even better! It *almost* matches the breathtaking color scheme! Wife isn't the best cook? No problem! Your new stove is raised off the floor so you can get down low under the smoke. This kitchen also features a large vent over the entire stove area, so that the fumes from the burning pot roast will be gone in an instant. Should the roast catch fire, we also have an escape hatch, for just such an emergency. Truly, it's every chef's dream come true!
ReplyThe Cooker couldn't take it any more. Years had gone by, month by month, week by week, day by day. Every hour Cooker looked out the window at the beautiful world beyond, but was unable to appreciate the view due to those HORRIBLE GINGHAM CURTAINS! Okay, maybe it's just a valance, but still, it was horrible in the red kitchen with the bright blue doors and the unfinished floor. Horrid navy blue gingham, and Cooker was just beyond himself. "I've had it! I'm going to jump!"
ReplyBut Crystal, the beautiful bowl that admired Cooker, spoke up: "Don't do it, Cooker! Please don't leave me alone in this place," she begged. " I'd be shattered without you."
So Cooker began to look only at Crystal, and they lived happily ever after.
ok, the starship enterprise has been gutted and made over to look like the kitchen from Bert and Ernie's place, the cooker has been beamed into the teleport area (hastily made over and quickly painted as you can see from the uneven surface on the teleportation hood) and is awaiting movement to the space in the bottom left corner of the picture to a) hide the crappy paint job and b) make smores and cookies for the crew while they tackle alien scum. A hatch has been put in the floorspace to help crewmembers i) smuggle things through the galaxy ii) hide if the enterprise gets invaded by stormtroopers or iii) to hide safely should the ship be sucked into a swirly anomaly / vortex / black hole / tornado (installed due to paranoia ever since they had the marathon "star wars / sesame street / wizard of oz" evening, (check the minimalist gingham tribute pelmet curtain above the display screen, currently showing a peaceful winter woodland scene...)).
Reply"Okay, Bowl. When the door opens, hit em' in the face with the potpourri, and while they're blinded, I'll roast them to a nice golden brown"
Reply"But, Stove, what if it's the witch and not that fat German kid?"
"Witch, Kid, whatever. All I know is somebody's getting roasted."
"You're the boss, Stove."
"Damn right."