No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
The first step isn't about picking up after each other, it's about getting your family's commitment to a system and a style of living that they're committed to from the start. You've got to help them see the value in living in a space and behaving in a particular type of way – they're not mind readers, you have to tell them what you need.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Sit down with anyone who's going to use the living room and ask everyone what they want from the space. We spend so much time asking "what do you need FOR this space" -- a comfy couch, a flatscreen -- but not what we want FROM it. Maybe dad wants a comfortable place to crash after work, Mom wants a place to read, Junior wants to play video games. Once you have it all set, write it down.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Now ask: How can we all get what we want from the space while also honoring and respecting everyone else's vision and dream for the space as well? Look at what functions are going to take place in the space and then define zones. This might feel kind of pedantic, but it works.
OK, so mom wants a place to read? What does she need there: a couch or comfy chair? Where will you store the books? Designate three shelves. Now this is the reading area, so if there's a book laying around, you know where the book belongs. Now that there's set shelf space, you know there's a limit on how many books to keep out there. Same for Junior – get those video games a bin and a spot for the controllers to live when they're not being used. Now it's Junior's responsibility to put the controller away so he can get what he wants from the space. Do this with everything.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
It'll help you train the kids, but it's also good for mom and dad. If you agree as a family that you're going to use the room in the way you decided, the Friday box is where all the stragglers go. If dad leaves his cellphone lying where he said he would not, or mom leaves her book on the sofa, these items go in the Friday box and you don't get them back until Friday.
Again, it's not about the stuff, it's about you showing respect for your family and the space that you share. So if you don't fulfill your end of the bargain everyone has the power to put your things in the Friday box!
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
You have to train your kids -- when they come in the back door, they shouldn't throw their backpacks on the floor. Right? But also when you come in from the store, you can't throw your groceries on the table. You have to show kids that cleaning up after themselves is about being responsible for what they do, where they live and what they own. It's something that should be as routine as putting your pants on before leaving the house every morning.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Think about it, if you throw clothes in the washing machine and let it run for 20 minutes and then stop it and leave it there for a week, by the time you open it you have a stinky smelly mess. Why? Because you didn't let it finish the cycle. You've got to adopt that mentality in your home. When you open a drawer, you close it. When you dirty something, you clean it and put it away. When you bring in the mail don't throw it on the kitchen counter, you open it, file it, shred it, deal with it immediately. The worst words you can use are "I will get to that later." If you don't train yourself to deal with things now, clutter accumulates, things get dirty and get put off until they reach crisis mode.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Now, if your family still won't pick up after themselves, that has nothing to do with cleaning: That has to do with respect. Get together again with your family and talk about shared responsibility. There needs to be consequences for their actions -- the Friday box is the funniest and least offensive of these, but trust me, it'll have a big impact. And tell your kids if they're not prepared to contribute to cleaning, why should they get an allowance or go out with friends or watch TV? When it comes to responsibilities, parents have to be parents and not be friends.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Chores shouldn't be random requests. As a family, make a list of the things that need to be done each week, who's responsible for what and when they need to get done. Kids love routines and schedules. But when you get pissy and tell them to take the garbage out, that's ridiculous -- there's no routine or logic in that. If you don't have a routine and schedule, kids associate cleaning and being responsible with your nagging. You have to get ahead of the emotions behind all of this stuff and let everyone see it as something that's beneficial for the household rather than a punishment.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Here's the deal. You give time to what you believe is important, and if you tell me you don't have time, what you're really saying is "I don't think that's important." That's sidestepping responsibility and wanting someone else to do the hard work for you. My response: Own your life! Step up and be responsible for it. You can create the life you want. You don't have time? Yes you do -- you just need to find it in your schedule.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Does this item help me create the vision that I have for this space? If the answer is "Someday, maybe" that's fine, put it aside for six weeks and don't buy anything else in the meantime. It's fine to delay, but be very careful. Don't fill your house with stuff you might need one day. You're preparing for a whole bunch of different futures instead of living the way you want to be living now.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
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Reader comments (Page 1 of 2)
It is most times the husband who needs to tell the wife to help out around the house. Todays women are glued to shows like the Oprah Windbag show and dont do much to help him around the house at all.
ReplyYeah but when the wife works all day and the man is the stay at home parent - the house should be spotless when she comes home!!!! AND THE KITCHEN CLEANED!!!!
Are u kidding me? I have raised 9 children, and it hasn't been them that has caused me the most head aches when it comes to picking up after themselves (with the exception of 2 of them) but by far it is getting the man to pick up after himself anywhere! On his outside projects to as simple as putting up His toothpaste and hair comb each day. If I wait for him to pick up his tools, outside or inside or pick up the wrapping or cardboard from something he has purchased I would die. Literally , that lays outside for a month or more if I don't pick it up. I hate being His mom too.
I agree that wives no longer take much responsibility for cleaning up. It is true that wives are hooked on tv (not all of them of course) and kids are hooked on video games. I see it every time I walk into two of my seven childens houses. I am guilty of the same thing now that I am 72 and tired. I do clean up dishes and make beds , shop for food and keep my sink cleared off and hopefully the kitchen table. My husband is always busy when he is home and does more of the housework than I do. He is a saint.
I have to somewhat agree. I am the one who cooks, does laundry, takes out the garbage, and does dishes at my house. My wife is the messy one (and my 5 yr. old). I clean and they come through like a hurricane and trash everything. Then I don't feel like cleaning, and my wife gets upset that the house is messy! In today's society you can't label women as the ones who clean and have a hard time getting husbands to help. It's a two-way street!
ReplyGod Bless you sir! Your wife is VERY lucky!!! Nobody should have to do it all, it takes all who live in the home to do their share! She sounds like my husband!
I have an idea, why not just tell the family to clean up after themselves? If they don't, clean it ALL comletely up, throw it ALL away. Next tiem you tell them to do something liek clean up, the very last thing they will want is YOU throwing THEIR stuff out that's for sure! Mean business and DO IT! Stop playing around telling everyone "please" or "it needs to be done" If they don't want to do it right or even at all, give them something to think about like LOSING all their stuff all becuase they are lazy! Or, you can play these STUPID little child games with them that wont work very long, especially once they see how you're only playing them to get some work done around the house. Don't play, just SHOW them you mean business!
ReplyGee...it sounds so simple...why didn't the rest of the world think of that before????? They do not care! Throw it out? So what...as long as it is done and not by them, no big deal.
I like your logic. I too have used the glad bag approach many times in the past. It works:)
That's what I did one time when my kids were teenagers, it worked after all the crying was over with. Next I told them I was going to clean thier rooms and guress what it was done the next day
My solution for getting the kids to pick up after themselves worked like a charm. If they left their stuff laying around I would pick it up and take it away, if they wanted it back they had to use their allowance to buy it back. If after 1 month they didn't buy it back it was donated to charity (hate the thought of throwing away perfectly good toys). Needless to say I only had to donate their "treasures" once before they realized I was dead serious. Their rooms are a different story...it's their space and if they want a messy room that is on them. If they want clean clothes to wear they better have them out by the washing machine. Thankfully they both like to see the floors in their rooms and they both like wearing clean clothes.
Why not do like they do on Style's "Clean House?" For those who refuse to part with their "stuff", put it all in big plastic containers and STORE it, for later sorting out. At least the space will be free of clutter, and one can have some kind of order in the house.
Obviously this guy has never met my family. If I tried a friday box they would just get in it and take it back. My guy would be the worst. He would have a tantrum and take his stuff back. my guy is such a slob and no amount of complaining would ever help. I have finally decided that if I want him I will just have to get used to the mess. Good Guy or Clean Guy?
ReplyFirst, I didn't like this article... I guess you have to read the book to get the true answers. I have to say my boyfriend does alot, but that is from alot of yelling and bitching...and I still can't get him to pick up his socks or underwear, they could lay there for days. --believe me, I have left them for days. Some people like living in filth. Parents need to realize that they are teaching their children to live like that. Not keeping a house clean, causes other problems-- getting up in the morning, not prepared, can't find the shoes, the keys.. then you're racing around and starting off the day, stressed out...Tell your wife/husband, "lets try it my way for 2 days"... and see how easy it is. -- take your plate/ glass to the sink, wash it,if all the dishes are done, put your socks in the hamper, what we do is, every commercial.. we get up and do something around the house. --- you'll be amazed and what you can do, most hour long shows have about 20-25 minutes of commercials. Good luck to all the women and men... who are fighting an uphill battle!!
ReplyI always said if I didn't marry my husband, I would hire him. He can do anything having to do with the home AND he does it with charm. (And I am appreciative...20 years and counting!)
ReplySheryl
I think our husbands are related. My hubby is a great cook and when I'm working hard on my business, he's great about helping clean up (laundry, clutter, dishes, etc.) . Needs a little help in the bathrooms and frig department, but we're getting there; 25 years and counting!
I married a slob... he's gotten some better over the last 17 years but HIM CLEAN HOUSE? He loads the dishwasher a few times a year and picks up the family room 1-2 times a year. Other than that?? I do it all. He's even been off work for over a year and I still get no help... have to nag, gripe and complain to get the trash taken out. I do it or it doesn't happen. Even my 13 yr old does more housework than his dad lol. I think we both grow tired of the messes, things get put down and left there for good... the clutter collects and really makes things look trashy.
ReplyI had my doubts I could live with this man the first time I went to his house for dinner when we began dating. It was BAD!
These things do matter... they seem like small things but year after year when you deal with the mess-cat, it wears on you.
Good grief. How about "Lose the Loser Guy.com?" Really, Chris, you make it sound like ALL men are princes, catches, prizes, and we should give our everlasting soul to be honored to be the Chosen One by a man! Please! I have one of my own, and like Harli, I have decided that despite his sloppiness and sometimes carelessness (particularly with MY stuff, dishes, knives and that sort of thing--yet all his fishing poles are cleaned and stored away carefully--see the picture I'm painting here?) I can live with him, get in his face when he's particularly messy, and just deal with it otherwise because if being sloppy is his absolute worst character flaw (as opposed to cheating, gambling, drinking, beating me, etc, etc) I'll KEEP him!! Get off your high horse, you schmuck, and realize that you're no prize simply because you're so damn ignorant!
ReplyI wonder what Peter Walch's house looks like, and does he have his wife and kids trained to pick up after themselves??
ReplyI wish they would help this very longtime columnist, civic/social activist organize this "Everything you need to know, you can find int this apartment - fi you can find it."
Replymostly it's the earchives but it's also photos, tapes, books and records (vinyl and CDs)
Living alone as so many elders and with families if they exist, far away, and lessening strengthe...and not enough money for professional organziers. I do believe in neighbors, religious, civic and senior etc. group members helping onea ntoehr, but just doesnt' seem to happen. And my clutter involvese a whole lot of wisdom nobody else is collecting - and, I might add, most importamntly on ageism (and the "double standard of aging") which has lost genuine opponents in the last several decades.
(Inicdentally have received awards for my various contirbutions and in September 2006 from Rep Carolyn Maloney (Congressional Book of REcords) and other NYC legislators, for example.
While lovely to have Betty White in the public eye, she is hardly representative of a woman who has lived 88 years...
Hope you can help me - time is a wastin' and so is all this wisdom just going to waste. .
Please please consider. Bette