Would You Put These In Your Garden?

A stunning garden ought to reflect smart design.

The kind that makes you stop in your tracks and gawk. We're not talking just about plants and flowers that are lovingly cared for, but also the accompanying decor: birdhouses, water baths, pots, planters, trellises -- you name it. This is where you can flaunt personal style, be it contemporary, Old English, traditional or hookah lounge (Moroccan-style seat cushions, anyone?).

So, we ask, what the heck is going on when a company puts out a product for the lawn that is downright atrocious?

In our continual search for hip garden decor we have, unfortunately, come across a few ugly ducklings. Here, we've compiled them in one place. Would you put these in your garden?

Storage Rock, $429
This mock rock is probably bigger than a doghouse. Built from tacky UV-resistant polyethylene, and in a drab gray color that looks nothing like actual rock, it can store all the unattractive junk that one might find lying around, such as shovels, garden gloves, hose and hand tools for weeding or planting. The irony is that when you stuff it all into this "rock," you end up with an extremely large, faux-mineral formation as the focal point of your yard!

Tail Wagging Dog Sprinkler, $30
Why remind us that dogs do in fact urinate on the grass? The manufacturer is so keen on getting you to like this product -- which sends the dog's tail wagging back and forth, emitting water so much force we think someone might get hurt -- there is an offer to create a custom sprinkler in the dog breed of your choice. Okay... Poodle or beagle, we still prefer a plain-old, rotating sprinkler.



Decorative Porcelain Plant, $30
Seriously, how hard it is to actually grow a plant? We love the sarcasm in a lot of Urban Outfitters products, just not this one. Maybe if you are going for a futuristic look in your backyard, you might be drawn to this monochromatic fake plant-and-planter combo but even then, ick.

Alligator Feet Pot Stand, $78
Anthropologie, one of our favorite retailers for its bohemian take on home design, tries to win us over by describing the feet on this, er, planter as "chocolate." Made from iron, it's an imported product and is designed to hold cute little planters. Even so, the idea of an alligator in our back yard is too weird.



Gnome, $21
Looking like a cross between Santa Claus and a troll, this gnome perched on top of a toadstool doesn't fall into the "cute" or "artsy" categories at all. And, as a terrible substitute for solar lighting, the toadstool glows in the dark. There's one word for this garden gadget: creepy.

Motion-Sensing Owl, $50
Motion sensors we get -- that is, if they are simple lights that provide safety and security as you reach your front or back door. But a motion-sensing plastic owl that hoots and hollers to keep pests away from your garden? Geez. We can do much better than this. The manufacturer calls this "realistic." Any bird or pest with fair eyesight will be able to tell that this is plastic. It's insulting to animals.